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All material written by Doug Small Copyright © 2002 - 2008 Doug Small
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All of us here at The Blue Brick, which of course is just me, have thought long and hard about whom
to endorse for this very important presidential election. Well, after much internal debate and four
vodka and lemonades, we (I) have made our (my) decision.
The Blue Brick is endorsing Bob Barker for the office of President of the United States. Bob has
proven over the years that not only does he have great poise, composure, and intellect, but he can
also land some primo tail. Remind you of any other popular and mostly successful presidents?
One of Bob’s greatest achievements while hosting the wildly popular The Price is Right was being
able to hold that ridiculously thin microphone without looking foolish. Just think of how presidential
and powerful he will look when talking into a normal-sized microphone at those U.N. meetings.
Bob also has a great communication style. He managed to talk with everyday idiots who were
trying to guess the price of a washing machine without even the slightest hint of condescension.
Imagine him being able to pull that off with the American masses. Bob will make us all feel that we
are important, that our ideas matter, and that we can really make a difference, even though that is
really not the case.
Who better to fix the economy than someone who knows the manufacturer’s suggested retail price
on literally everything on the planet? Behind the scenes at The Price is Right, Bob also had access
to the wholesale price of all items up for bid. Bob will be able to negotiate with the manufacturers
directly, using his savvy to convince them to lower their suggested retail price. This will allow U.S.
consumers to purchase everyday items, as well as cars and lavish trips, at lower prices. The
economy, quite simply, would boom.
Bob is a vegetarian and animal-lover as well. While The Blue Brick thinks this is kind of a wussy
move, we also understand that it appeals to a lot of Americans, especially the ladies. It shows how
compassionate he is towards others, albeit animals and not humans.
Anyone not convinced that Bob is a great communicator and negotiator with mass appeal and a
great work ethic need to look no further than the amount of prime chicks he landed over the years.
He managed to bed chicks less than half his age, and way hotter than your average babe. I mean,
these girls were smoking hot, and when he dumped them, they were angry and hurt. Do you have
any idea how hard it is to get a hot chick when you are an old wrinkle-bag? Simply put, the dude
has game, and The Blue Brick believes that we need that type of guy back in the White House, and
we need him there a.s.a.f.p.
As far as a Vice Presidential running mate, who cares? Bob is obviously never going to die, and he
won’t get caught with chicks in the White House or anything silly like that. He’ll take them to his
time-share in Boca and no one will be the wiser.
So please, vote for Bob Barker this November, or quite simply don’t vote at all.
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The Blue Brick Presidential
Endorsement:
Bob Barker